Laptop crashed.

Ill update when I get it back, whenever that may be!

What a military spouse knows...

 I can't take credit for this... I stole it from a fb friend.. but this hits the head on the nail.

 

What a Military Spouse Knows

As many of you know, my husband came home from our third deployment not too long ago. During the deployment, a reporter asked me to share “What I Knew” about deployments and military life. This was my answer:
As I forced my hands to unfurl from his neck, feeling the familiar sting in my nose as tears pushed against my will, the words rattled and echoed in my brain. “Not again.”
I watched him walk away–that uniform, identifiable gait—and my heart bent and splintered as the reality of a third deployment began to shower over me.
I picked up the phone, dialing the numbers my numb fingers always meander toward, and sat in silence while she tried to ease my pain. “I can’t imagine…He will be home….I’m here.”
And then she said six words that shot through my ears, penetrated my brain, and stiffened my spine: “You know how to do this.”
She was right. I do know how to do this. I intimately know the all-too familiar lump in my throat. The year of being both father and mother, making the best of a situation. I know exactly how one year feels  as I X each day off my calendar. And I know how to ensure that while our lives are on hold, we still live.
The truth is I know a lot:

• The thought of being alone for a year doesn’t bother me. The fear of being alone for a lifetime—does.

• Flat rate boxes can hold twenty whoopee cushions, four kindergarten projects, and five perfume-scented letters.

• Technology can be a double-edged sword—one side delivering his face; the other a brutal live-action feed of explosions and camouflaged body parts.

• Murphy’s Law is a constant companion. The moment he walks out the door, anything that can break, collapse, bleed, or explode–will .

• Five hours of uninterrupted sleep is a gift from the deployment gods

• Holidays are hard, but manageable.

• Deployments come and go, but sand from his boots never leaves.

• Nothing can replace a handwritten letter. Through those beautifully folded pages, he is holding my hand again.

• When the National Anthem is played, I know goosebumps will rise on my arms, and a lump will fill my throat.

• The silence in communication following a war zone attack is agonizing.

• Laughter is a powerful ally.

• Each deployment offers two options: grow or regress. This is a choice.

• Cereal is always a dinner option.

• Videos of lost teeth, ballerina recitals, and preschool graduations can be emailed to Iraq nearly instantly.

• Five powers of attorney and the intimate details of his will are needed to navigate a deployment.

• White out blizzards can actually bury a truck in five minutes.

• Rosie the Riveter was right: We can do it.

• Children cling to hope and the promise of tomorrow.

• Living in each moment together is possible when facing the fear that it could be your last.

• Welcome home kisses are sweeter than the finest chocolate.

• Anger will grip me and depression can hold me, but another military spouse will steady me.

• A six-year-old child can feel the absence of her father so deeply that she can suffer from clinical depression.

• A military spouse will often hold her/his tongue, silencing a story, for fear of sounding “unpatriotic.”

• The sound of a bugle can make my heart swell with pride or collapse in sorrow.

• Duct tape and a monkey wrench can fix nearly anything.

• Despite the protestors and those who tell me I “knew” what I was getting into, I know there are countless American citizens who will go above and beyond to show they support us.

There are many things I know.
I know how to change the brakes on my truck, rappel from the side of a cliff, shoot a double-barreled shotgun, balance a checkbook, earn my keep, and kiss a child enough to feel like two.
But there are still so many things I don’t know.

• I don’t know how to start my heart again when I see a death notification car on my street.

• When that knock echoes on the door of my neighbor, I don’t know how to forgive myself when I am relieved.

• I don’t know how to hug him enough to last a lifetime, or kiss him just so in order to feel satisfied—should our reunion be at the foot of a pine box.

• I’m not willing to learn how to pretend he doesn’t exist, to keep him out of our life while it goes on without him, or to build a wall so high he has no way to scale it.

• I don’t know how to stop his panic attacks, and I have no idea how to make my nightmares of rampant bombs and lifeless limbs disappear.

• I don’t know how to adjust to his presence in my house when our floor rarely feels the weight of his boots.

• I don’t know how to tell his small children that, yes, he leaves them all the time. But because he loves them so deeply, he is willing to die to keep them free.

• I can’t understand those who would question my desire to stay with him, or how I can peacefully sleep beside a “killer.”

• I am amazed and confounded that despite all he has seen, he still has the courage to laugh.

• I don’t’ know how to give up on my family.

But, most importantly:
I have no clue how to still my pounding heart when he finally walks through our door again, I don’t know how to pull my hands from his sand-stained neck and say goodbye, and I don’t know how to ever walk away from a man who stands while many choose to sit.


had to share! <3

So much to do, sooo little time.

ahh, ok I need a second to freak out....

..I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO.

God really knows what he's doing... there would be no way to handle all of this (with keeping my sanity anyway) and try to juggle school at the same time.. I just feel like my life is falling right into place.

That being said.. the following things need to get accomplished..ohhh, yesterday.

1. Make Aiden's 4 month appt.
2. Go to Aiden's 4 month appt.
3. Repack all of Patrick's totes into "staying in VA" boxes and "going to HI" boxes
4. Set up official "pick up" dates for the movers
5. Set up official "drop off" dates for movers
6. Call forest city and make sure we're close to getting our house
7. Check out places off base just in case
8. Book an offcial flight date
9. Give my friends the Christmas gifts that have been chilling in my basement
10. Send Patrick's St. pattys day care package
11. Make sure Fort Lee got his orders
12. Send out new pictures of Aiden
13. Pack the rest of my room
14. Set a date to have my furniture delivered
15. Breathe
16. Work

I just have alot to do, and I am semi okay, semi noooot okay at managing my time... so hopefully some of these things can take care of themselves..haha. BUT, all these things get my a little closer to living with my husband and baby boy, and we can finally be a family.

Ok, just a quick pic. so this entry won't be too boring, My sister and I decided it would be funny to throw all the babies in the bathtub at once, more or less just so we could take a picture... Aiden's a small pot belly pig.

Pat,

 I love you. I think your pretty sexy.

    Love always,

  Kels xoxo

Happy February!

40% done with this deployment!!!!!

Ahhhhh! I can't believe it, I will be seeing my husband in just a FEW SHORT MONTHS!

(I love that its not leap year, I don't want any more days between us than nessecary)

Ok, Im off my soap box :)

I've just been really busy with trying to set up for our big move and juggling work and being a (by myself at the moment) Mommy. This process of getting things set up has been pretty stressful, I've gotten transfered to different departments 43534 times because no body can seem to answer simple questions, & then when I finally get to the right place, No one wants to help at all. It's just so frustrating.... but hey, God wants to take care of my family, he wants to handle my problems FOR ME.... so why on earth am I being so stubborn and holding on to all of this?

Sarah and I went to Norfolk to get Pat's orders modified and once again, ran into issues everywhere... from the guy and the gate to the Gunny who made me cry (oops) but those tears were apparently golden because they made him uncomforabtle enough to send me somewhere else, It just happend to be in the right direction!

The Cheif warrent officer with FAST helped me out BIGTIME and fixed everything, he even talked to me about marriage communication and transitions back from Afghan.... he BY FAR has been the most helpful, he was the one who originally signed Patrick's orders so he obviously had the authority to change them, and he did :) So that ended up being a sucess!

Aiden update : He's a ham. Thats pretty much it, oh.. and he worst reflux than I did while I was pregnant... the poor baby, He's on a couple different concoctions and they are *somewhat* helping, hopefully they start to work or Ill look into something else..

Aiden 3 months

Good news-We talked to Daddy this morning! Aiden was lighting up and wiggling and kicking hear Pat's voice, (I read him his "daddy" books all the time, the ones Pat recorded before he left) and he def. knows it! He was talking back to Patrick and it was melting my heart...He had no clue, but I was laughing through tears, I can't wait for those two to reunite.

Of course we stopped by the beach...

Welp. thats all for now, Just a quick update. :)

Babe,

 Hearing your voice this morning has been the best thing to happen in the past week. I am SO proud to be your wife, you have no idea... not just for what your doing for this country, but because your darn sexy ;)

(and because your kind of awsesome.. sometimes.)

I love you to the moon and back,

   Kels.